Self Love: You Gotta Nourish to Flourishfeatured

Sometimes finding self-love can be one of the hardest parts about being human. Not because we aren’t capable of loving ourselves, but because of the challenges we face to get there and the realizations we have to make about who we are and the things we’ve done. Learning to appreciate and value the darker parts of us that aren’t perfect and have hurt others (or ourselves) can be a hard pill to swallow. On our personal journey to achieve this emotional and physical state, the people around us can either contribute or hinder our success.

When we carry around the words of others with us, especially the words from the one’s we look up to, they recycle through our brains like a mantra, repeating over and over again, until both the mind and the heart believe it to be true. Consciously we recognize these thoughts and that they are not our own. But subconsciously we accept them believing that they might or must be true since that’s how the outside world ‘truly’ sees us. Like most, I have experienced my own personal battle with finding self-love. I have criticized and judged the very intimate parts of myself that only I am privy to, from the perception of others, so that I could feel whole and connected with the bustling and busy world around me.

There was a time that the lack of self-love I had for myself infiltrated into parts of my life where the relationships I built with others, the actions I took to resolve life problems, and my attempts to move forward with my life were heightened with various levels of inadequacy. It’s as if I was sitting in a room, next to an open chair, waiting for someone (ANYONE) to sit down next to me to share in conversation about kind and loving things. Instead this cruel being of self-hatred and doubt walked in and took the empty seat, filling me with anecdotes that only broke my soul and caused tears to run down my face. I couldn’t understand why certain aspects and things wouldn’t blend together. It was like trying to break through a wall with a pencil; it didn’t compute.

In many cases I accepted less than what I deserved from those around me and in others, I gave less back than what I could have given to those who were deserving. It wasn’t until I stopped trying to force the pieces of my life to fit together, with perceptions that weren’t my own, that I decided it was time to walk away from them and face myself. Although we all can acknowledge how impactful words can be, it’s an interesting twist when you have to peel them from your mind, lay them out to dry, tell yourself you disagree with them and develop your own words to replace them. The deeper you go to remove the words, thoughts, and feelings, the harder it gets to remember to breathe.

The recovery from that way of living has been a long uphill climb. There are moments where old habits and viewpoints are standing on the sideline tempting me to cross the lines just one more time. It very much feels like an addiction and a sinfully bad habit you know you shouldn’t be doing, whether it’s with a specific person, being in a certain place, or doing some sort of self-destructive activity. It’s always tempting to go back to what you know, but then it’s obvious that you haven’t learned the lesson if you do. And that’s the major point – to learn & grow.

One of the best things that has helped me get through the rougher parts of self-doubt has been to talk about it with close friends and those who can relate. By helping me see the bigger picture and viewing all the pieces of the puzzle, I’ve been able to accept (typing this with a smile) parts of myself where I was previously critical. From body image, to personality, to outward & inward appearance, bad habits, goods habits, and toxic relationships, these are just a few of the things I’ve had to face and let go of. It can really be a painful process working through the things that weight us down. But sometimes we have to face the darkest parts of ourselves so we know where the light should go.

Another technique that I tried was creating a gratitude journal. I know it sounds silly, but the concept is simple. As you go throughout each day, find 3-5 things that you’re grateful for within that day. Over time you will start to change your current mindset to a ‘thankful’ one where you appreciate the things you have. The smile and glance of a friendly stranger, or getting back more money on your taxes, are all things you could be thankful for. When you consciously acknowledge and appreciate the parts and pieces of yourself that you enjoy, you can begin to find other things about yourself that you love. It is a very rewarding and emotional feeling when you allow yourself to experience self love.

Sometimes reflecting on what we are thankful for is just enough to ease our hearts and minds. If you find yourself struggling with these things, please know you’re not alone. A lot of people feel this way but don’t talk or do anything about it, and that’s not always healthy. It’s important that you find ways that inspire you to love yourself because there is no one else like you. We would not be as blessed as we are if you weren’t here.

Your light is truly a wonderful gift.

With Light & Love ♥