Mindful Observationsfeatured

Happy Labor Day! Hopefully you had a chance to catch some R&R today. Whether it’s through sleeping in a little longer or spending time with your friends/family, I’m wishing you a day filled with non-work-related festivities!

It has been a minute since I had a chance to make a real blog post. August has been an insanely busy month in my realm of the woods. Between a few things going on at work & in my personal life, I have been barely managing to keep up. What little free time I’ve had, has been spent catching more Zzz’s and resting on the sofa. I’m hoping that as we ease into the fall & winter months things will start to slow down a little. Maybe they won’t, but a girl can dream.

Lately, I’ve been observing the habits and exchange of energy that we seek from other people. The one thing my thoughts have been intrigued by is the concept of validation. It is something that each of us seek out, intentionally or otherwise, throughout our day to day lives. Specifically, the piece where people seek recognition that their feelings, thoughts, behaviors, or emotions are credible.

We all want to feel valid in the choices we make because it, a) makes us feel good, b) helps us to acknowledge we’re not crazy, and c) builds stronger bonds with like-minded people. For each of us, validation plays a strong role in our human existence. If you take a second to think through all the things you seek validation for, you might surprise yourself with how much you use it. Keep in mind as you evaluate, that validation is not an interchangeable term for approval. There is a big difference between the two concepts.

Validation vs. Approval

Validation occurs when there is recognition that a person’s feelings, thoughts, behaviors, or emotions are credible. Approval is an expression of permission or acknowledgement that something meets requirements. The following paragraph includes an example of how validation & approval occurs.

Let’s say you’re telling your best friend about a negative situation that happened at work with a coworker. You thoroughly explain the events that took place (facts), your perspective/feelings on the incident (perception), and what actions you took to address the problem. Based on the reaction of your friend this will illuminate whether they acknowledge that anyone one else in the same scenario would’ve handled things the way you did (validation). As you two discuss the situation further, you ask your friend for their thoughts/feelings about the situation and if it could’ve been handled differently (approval). Your friend then provides you with their feedback.

This scenario is a good illustration of how quickly seeking validation on something can shift into seeking for approval. We have all put ourselves into a position like this with others at some point or another. I would like to think that each of us does this as a way to look at all aspects of the situation, all perspectives, and thoughts, from an aerial view.

But the truth is, that when we give others the opportunity to assess our thoughts, feelings, actions, and behaviors through their lenses and perspective, we open ourselves up to allowing a small piece of self-doubt to slither in through the cracks. No matter how innocent the exchange of energy may be, we are essentially giving away a portion of our personal power and ability to be sound in our decisions.

Take just a second and think about how this could affect people on a larger scale. After a while those tiny moments of self-doubt pile up and they can create various levels of insecurities within ourselves. In order to feel good and remove these negative feelings, we seek out and do things that provide us with positive approval.

For some, it creates a codependency in seeking out and receiving approval in all that they say and do. When this type of exchange constantly repeats, the person who requires approval is showing others that they have a lack of confidence in themselves. It opens the playground for toxic relationships, self-sabotage, altercations, and other similar related scenarios to occur.

One thing is for certain, that anything worth doing to help navigate through times of minimal personal power, lack of self-confidence, or other low vibrational energy, is to set healthy boundaries. At the end of the day when you lay your head down to go to sleep at night the person you must answer to is yourself. If you’re not right in your heart with yourself, then how do you expect others to be?

Setting healthy boundaries is a great way to get to know yourself better, as well as help others know how to treat you. One thing that I have found to be particularly hard about this process is knowing how to answer the people who cannot respect your boundaries. Aside from it being a completely transformational process at a core level, it does also require changes at an external level as well.

If you find that the people in your circle cannot respect the boundaries you’ve set for yourself, they aren’t for you and you aren’t for them. Thank them for their honesty and the opportunity they’ve given you to go find other people who can respect your limits. YOU are the only one responsible for how much you’re willing to let yourself grow.

Lastly, I want to leave you with these few thoughts. I do not think it’s wrong to seek validation for the purpose of understanding the big picture. Part of growing as a person is learning about the things you do not understand or are aware of. But I think you should be cautious and careful in who you seek approval from. Regardless if it’s your best friend from childhood, your family, or your partner, there are plenty of people who would happily steer you in the wrong direction. So, take heed in the feedback you receive.

Part of setting healthy boundaries is knowing when to discern what is authentic for you vs. other people. YOU are your responsibility and priority to understand how you operate. There are plenty of people who understand themselves, set healthy boundaries, and still have blossoming loving relationships of all kinds. You are no exception to this wonderful opportunity. Just be honest with yourself.

As we roll into the month of September, I challenge you to do a little more introspection. Are you happy with the choices you’re making? Do you like what you see? Are you living with intention?

It is never too late to be happy with the life you’re creating.

Light & Love,
– H ♥